By Wayne Weiner, D.Ed.
There are two kinds of mirrors in life: the kind that give you an honest look—and the kind that make you look like you just escaped from Willy Wonka’s factory after overdosing on emotional taffy.
If you’ve ever based your self-worth on a Zoom call where the lighting made you look like a haunted librarian, or on a boss’s feedback delivered with all the warmth of a malfunctioning Roomba, then you’ve probably spent some time staring into what I call a “Fun House Mirror of the Mind.”
Let’s be clear: those distorted mirrors lie. They’ll make your strengths look like weaknesses and your weaknesses look like the only things people notice. They’ll convince you that you’re too old, too young, too bold, too quiet, too something. And sometimes they even have the nerve to whisper, “Nice try.”
Jordan Peterson once said, “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.” Unless, of course, who you were yesterday ate an entire Costco cake and watched reruns of Judge Judy. In that case, let’s aim for the person you were last Tuesday.
Why We All Have a Fun House Mirror Inside Us
Our internal mirrors get warped by a cocktail of criticism, childhood labels (“He’s the shy one”), TikTok filters, and comments from relatives who still think it’s helpful to ask, “Why are you still single?” at family events.
We mistake these distortions for reality. A friend once told me he couldn’t apply for a leadership position because he “wasn’t management material.” I asked, “Who told you that?” He paused. “My eighth-grade gym teacher.” This same man now leads a national nonprofit and still fears dodgeballs.
Here’s a pro tip: don’t let people who can’t find their own reflection judge yours.
The Workplace: A House of Mirrors with Fluorescent Lighting
I once coached a highly competent analyst who spoke like every sentence had to pass through three approval committees before it left her mouth. Her manager told her she lacked “executive presence.” She came to me thinking she needed a personality transplant.
We reworked her image—not by changing who she was, but by changing her internal mirror. Six months later, she was leading the executive meeting and her former manager was asking her for advice. (She kindly suggested better lighting.)
A New Mirror, Please
Instead of staring into warped reflections, try this:
Ask people who actually care about you how they see you.
Reflect on moments you were proud—not perfect, just proud.
Get a coach, a mentor, or at least a dog. Dogs are brutally honest and still love you.
Or as Jordan Peterson would say (probably while adjusting his glasses and sounding vaguely Canadian), “Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping.” And if that person were walking around believing they were hopeless because of one bad mirror, wouldn’t you slap that mirror off the wall?
Final Thought
Confidence doesn’t come from being perfect. It comes from recognizing that the mirror isn’t the truth—it’s just glass with an opinion.
Let’s stop living like we’re in a carnival and start reflecting what’s real.
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